Actually, My Sins Aren't as Bad as Yours

Probably the worst thing a Christian can do is be judgmental toward me. Whenever people are complaining about all the sins I do, this counts as backbiting, or gossip, or being judgmental, and all these things are wrong, because it’s someone else doing them. It’s like that one verse that says you have to take the wood out of your own mouth before talking about the wood in someone else’s mouth.

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But what if an imaginary person asked the following: what does the Bible say about judging others?

Let’s go to the Greek: there’s a well-known passage in one of the major books that says “do not judge less, you too are a judge” and when you look at the original text, it means basically the same thing, only in Greek. When this happens, we in the ministry call it a proof text.

Friends, let’s leave no stone interred: remember when they brought that lady to Jesus because she was putting too much wood in her mouth, and they wanted to stone her? Jesus started writing in the dirt, and what he wrote was DIRT+SPIT=MUD, because then he spit in the dirt, then he put the mud on everyone’s eyes so that when they started throwing their stones, none of them hit the lady, except all the rocks hit a guy named Stephen instead and killed him until he died, and this is why Stephen never got his own book in the Bible, because he was dead.

But that’s neither here nor fair. The point is this: I have studied the matter in depth, and I have come to the conclusion that my sins aren’t nearly as bad as everyone else’s. Let’s take a look at the reasons why:

The New Covenant

One thing about the Bible is that there are different covenants. Theologists have argued over how many there are; it is a mystery. Probably there are like 12 of them, this is a number that is in the Bible a lot. Whichever covenant that has all the bad sins in it, that is the one I am not in. I am in the good one, where I am allowed to do whatever I want.

It was an accident

It’s like I’m always telling God: if you think about it, the bad thing I did was an accident, so how could it even be my fault? But whenever a regular person does a sin, they cut off all the lights in their house and get down on their hands and knees and go galloping around their living room, snorting and braying like a farm animal in heat. They become absolutely wild with excitement, because they love to sin so much, and if we’re being honest, this is probably most of you, which is another thing I am always telling God.

I have a brand

When you are an evangelical thought leader, you are automatically holier than other Christians, because you are popular. But you’d be surprised how hostile people in church get when you remind them of this. It’s like when Paul wrote in 1 Chronicles: “All things are lawful for me, but not everyone is helpful.”