Are Tim Keller and Chevy Chase the same person?

In these unprecedented times, Christians are facing an array of complicated, divisive issues. Issues that require equal parts wisdom, nuance, grace, and a detailed knowledge of Scriptures. And this is a problem for thought leaders, obviously. Because why would I even get bogged down in those details when my spiritual gift is hot takes? That’s called majoring in the minors, which is in the Greek.

Whenever all the Christians are talking about certain issues, sometimes it’s best to make up a new issue to make sure everyone pays attention to you. This is why, every once in a while, some thought leader will poke their head up over the crowd and bleat out some nonsense like IS BETH MOORE A JEDI? or IS IT A SIN TO USE SECULAR SOAP? And it works, because then everyone forgets what they were arguing about and starts on the new thing; your thing.

But anyway, have you ever noticed that Tim Keller and Chevy Chase might be the same person?

They have the same voice

They have never denied it

Have you ever heard Tim Keller deny that he was Chevy Chase? Neither have I! Interesting. Let’s take it a step further: Keller has never confirmed it, either. What kind of double talk subterfuge is this? Chevy Chase, for his part, laid out some interesting bread crumbs in his 2008 book My Secret Double Life as Christian Author Tim Keller, by Chevy Chase.

They were both on Saturday Night Live

Folks, how can this be a coincidence? Chase was on Weekend Update; he was the Land Shark; and he said a very bad word to Richard Pryor in the janitor sketch. Keller, meanwhile, also starred on the show and is best known for his recurring character Toby, the Astronaut Pastor, and also for his Lil Wayne impression.

They both enjoy delicious cookies

It is widely known in industry circles that Chevy Chase enjoys eating delicious cookies. Of course, this by itself proves nothing. However, let’s connect the dots: Tim Keller often speaks in Cookie Monster’s voice (including the use of third person) to ask seminary students to bring him cookies. When presented with a gift of cookies, Keller further emulates the blue Sesame Street character by ripping the packaging apart and consuming the cookies in a shower of crumbs and NOM NOM NOM sounds.

They are both successful pastors

Perhaps most crucially, there is a striking link between Keller and Chase in their theological backgrounds. Keller pastored Redeemer Presbyterian in New York; Chase starred in Caddyshack. Keller founded The Gospel Coalition; Chase was in Community. Keller was in Fletch; Chase started Focus on the Family. Keller played bass in the Newsboys; Chase delivered the iconic "Seashells Sermon” at the Passion conference in 2000. Keller was best friends with Billy Graham; Chase is Billy Graham.

They are both my best friend

Ah, those summer nights. Sweat dripping off of us as we walk out of basketball practice and into the burning orange Midwestern sunset. Piling into my Oldsmobile. Edwin McCain on the radio, the soundtrack to our youth. Driving over to the frozen custard stand where the girls from school work. They see us and wave; Tim, that’s her. She likes you. But Tim is shy. Me and Chevy talk him up, speak confidence into him. Tim, you’re the starting point guard. Just get out and go talk to her. Our futures stretch out before us across the asphalt and up into the Missouri night, disappearing into all that endless black. Chevy stays in the car to keep pumping Tim up. I get out and walk toward the glass takeout window where I can see the girls making the orders. Currents of cheap Old Spice cologne curling off of me with each step. Muffled Gin Blossoms soaking through someone’s nearby car. At the window. I point to her and smile. She smiles back. I’ve got someone who wants to talk to you, I say. Where? In my car. But she doesn’t see him. I turn back and look at my Oldsmobile, and it is empty. Maybe it always was. And Richard Pryor is there, and we say bad words to each other until we feel better.