Book Review: Shepherds for Sale

Probably the worst thing an evangelical thought leader can do for their brand is to write a book review. Probably the second worst thing is when Christianity Today gets one of your mistresses on the record and runs a story like “Mistress of Christian Author Matthew Pierce Speaks Out,” and you’re like wow, Kristen, I thought our NDA meant something. But anyway, back to the first thing, the book review: You should never write about another Christian’s content, because it takes the spotlight off of you and your brand. The one exception to this rule is when a book is so popular that writing about it will boost your SEO, which is something my team is always telling me about, I think it stands for SE Optimization, I guess you could figure out what the other letters stand for if you use a search engine.

With this in mind, let’s take a look at the book Shepherds for Sale: (subtitle), by Megan Beth Stuckey.

pictured: Stuckey

Probably the mistake that most Christians make when they review a book is that they read it first. When you do this, you form an opinion on the book, and then you write the review to match your opinion, which is confirmation bias. This is why I never read anything before forming an opinion on it: it can’t be confirmation bias if you keep your own opinions a secret from yourself, or something, I confused myself with this sentence, so let’s move on.

Anyway, lots of Christians are upset about Shepherds For Sale. Megan is all like “this pastor is woke,” and then the pastor gets on social media and is like “actually, I am supes conservative; woke is nasty,” and then Megan is like “that proves it, you are woke.”

And then some other stuff happens, but I kind of zone out. Whenever people are talking about things that are not me, I try to filter it out, for my mental health.

But what does any of that have to do with the book? Let’s look at the cover again:

First of all, there’s a Black man holding what looks like a giant menu. I guess the message here is that Black men love to eat big hungry man food, like giant delicious cheeseburgers and plates of fried cheese sticks. I don’t know if this counts as woke or not. I would also like to have a giant menu, so I can order some big hungry man food, but I am not Black, so I don’t know if I am allowed to. If I cannot have cheese sticks because I am white, then that should definitely count as woke, because it is unfair, and also nasty.

And then there is some stuff about dogs. Someone is selling some German Shepherds, but I don’t believe in putting labels on animals. Just because a dog likes to chase sheep doesn’t mean it is German; that is a stereotype, and stereotypes about dogs are harmful. I treat all bitches with dignity and respect.

I agree with the book on this: Christians should not be selling German Shepherds at church. This is because of that time that Jesus went into the temple and knocked over all the Coinstar machines. The only business that should be allowed inside the church is when the women’s ministry sells their cookbooks. Everything else? Take it outside, in the parking lot. I think there was more to that story, like probably Jesus said some stuff about something, but whenever the passage isn’t Song of Solomon, I kind of zone out.

*Weekly-ish articles are free; periodic special articles are behind the paywall. If you are a paid subscriber, even for a short while, thank you for making this whole thing work. To everyone, thank you for reading and sharing. Please understand that all offensive content is because of Kristen.