Celebrity Bible Quiz

STEVE HARVEY: Welcome back to Celebrity Bible Quiz, where we find out who was paying attention in Sunday School! Let’s look at the boar—

PRESIDENT BIDEN: [buzzes in] Hey big fella give me Jesus

STEVE HARVEY: Mr. President I ain’t even asked the question ye—

JOE ROGAN: [buzzes in] They say Jesus didn’t tap…right? People say the guy didn’t tap. Did Jesus tap? Dead for three days…then BOOM. Back to life, the mother—— stone rolled out of the way. Do you think Jesus could defeat Michael Myers? I’d like to see that

JOHNNY DEPP: [gets necklace caught in buzzer] Well Steve I’m afraid I must disagree with your premise. Your posit. Your presupposition. Which is based upon the Faustian delusion that any of us can know ourselves. [indecipherable muttering] And as the great poet Annalise Whitesburg Moon-Hogg once said, “to be known is to be….known.”

STEVE HARVEY:

PRESIDENT BIDEN: Looks like I win, big guy

STEVE HARVEY: Let’s just move on to the next question: This Old Testament book inspired the hit folk song Turn! Turn! Turn!

PRESIDENT BIDEN: [turns in place]

JOHNNY DEPP: [buzzes in] Well Steve it again seems that we must confront the hideous orthodoxy that has festered like an open wound on the psyche of this great nation for far too long. I am speaking, of course, about the cabal known as the American egg industry

JOE ROGAN: [buzzes in] That’s interesting. How many eggs do you think Jesus could eat? I’ve never thought about that. 10? 18? Son of Man needs a lot of protein to work all those miracles

PRESIDENT BIDEN: Bob Seger. Turn the page. Don’t know if it’s a man or a woman. Guy just wants to have dinner. He’s been on the road, man. Wants to make a stand but he can’t. Gimme the points, baby

JOE ROGAN: One million eggs