EXEGETICALS: The Return

When I started blogging around 2015 on my now-defunct site, one of the first things that caught on was a strange series of fanfic called The Exegeticals, where celebrity pastors and Christian figures banded together to…uh…solve crimes?

Figured we could check back in and see how the boys are doing…

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[PHOENIX, AZ]

[TRINITY CHURCH]

[TWO MEN ENTER THE BUILDING, SEARCHING FOR CLUES]

JAMES DOBSON: …and they literally had to close the Panda Express early, because Franklin ate so much Orange Chicken

JOEL OSTEEN: Well I don’t think it’s right to eat pandas

JAMES DOBSON: [stares in Republican]

JOEL OSTEEN: Glory

[AN INTERN WALKS INTO THE ROOM, PLAYING “DOWNFALL” BY TRUST COMPANY ON A NOKIA FLIP PHONE TO ANNOUNCE THE ARRIVAL OF MARK DRISCOLL]

MARK DRISCOLL: What can I help you ladies with

JAMES DOBSON: We’re here to solve a mystery

JOEL OSTEEN: Why did you put churches on Mars