Fun with Christian AI, Vol. 5

Folks, we raised the bar with this one. This volume of Christian AI horrors contains pictures, text, SONGS (with fully AI lyrics), and perhaps a small video at the end. Who’s to say. As always, thanks for reading. Free article on most weekends, occasional special articles behind the paywall, all offensive content is someone else’s fault, etc.

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“Donald Trump giving his acceptance speech at his inauguration, except he is a youth pastor and talking about becoming radical and resisting the flesh” (image + text)

Ladies and gentlemen, today we gather not just to celebrate a moment, but to ignite a movement! As your youth pastor, I urge you to become radical in your faith—rejecting the allure of the flesh and embracing the spirit that empowers us to rise above worldly temptations. Let’s resist complacency and pursue a life that shines with integrity and passion. Together, we can transform our hearts, uplift our communities, and stand firm against the challenges that seek to pull us away from our divine calling. Remember, it's not just about believing; it's about living out that belief with fervor and purpose! So let’s charge ahead, hand in hand, as we champion love, community, and a relentless pursuit of what is good and holy!

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Okay, there will be funnier creations in this list, but I had to include this one because it NAILED the moment/movement spot. Well done, AI. Also, this one works better if you imagine a clearly bored Trump reading it off the teleprompter, just mere seconds away from audibling into one of his rambling weaves. Also also, is the picture supposed to be Trump as a teenager in his own youth group? I need answers.

David Crowder as a member of ZZ Top

This is terrifying and accurate. 11/10, no notes.

“A CCM power ballad about a Christian father teaching his son to take his girlfriend to Chick fil-A for their first date, and to not have sex before marriage”

“A Father’s Song”

[Verse]

Son there's a light on the narrow street
Hold her hand share your faith in every heartbeat
Take her where kindness and chicken meet
In those moments pure love you'll greet

[Bridge]

Teach her respect over candle's flame
In Chick-fil-A's warmth do just the same
Paths of honor they hold no shame
Before the ring keep passion tame

[Chorus]

Love’s not a race you run with haste
Build a bond that’s pure and chaste
Save the fire for wedded grace
In life's grand story find your place

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If you ever listened to Rascal Flatts and thought “this is pretty good, but what if they did the soundtrack to a Chick fil-A branded movie set in the God’s Not Dead cinematic universe where widower Lucas Black tries to teach his teenage son about sexual purity, while also falling in love with local veterinarian Kaylee LaBranson, who just got a job offer from The Big City but secretly wants to stay in the small town of Heart’s Holler,” then buddy, you are in luck.

Gary Levox is gonna nail that high note coming out of the bridge, though. Whether in AI or real life. Facts.