Fun with Christian AI, Vol. 6

Hey all. For the new readers, I occasionally post special articles like this behind the paywall for the paid subscribers. Free articles will still appear on most weekends, and they will remain tasteless. Thanks for reading! -M

---

“A Christian mumble rap song about the dangers of masturbation, titled ‘Don’t Tickle Your Pickle’”

[Intro]

Whisper to the mind, temptations in disguise,
Battles in the dark where the spirit always tries.
Hands ain’t meant for struggles born in shadows fickle,
Keep your eyes to the sky, don’t tickle your pickle.

[Verse 1]

Scrollin’ at night, demons plot the bait,
Screens flash quick, hearts manipulate.
Whispers in the void, guilt’s chains so tight,
But prayer drops bombs, break the strongholds tonight.

[Chorus]

Don’t tickle your pickle, don’t dance with the flame,
Redemption’s worth more than a moment of shame.
Get your mind right, fight the good fight,
Kingdom come calls, walk outta the night.

[Verse 2]

Calendar countdowns, sins they replay,
Every time I fall, I feel farther away.
But His mercy infinite, through storms He stands,
Grab my Bible armor, put the sword in my hands.

[Bridge]

Sweat drips heavy, shadows creeping in,
Enemy whispers, make you stumble in sin.
But I cast every chain, I’m not gonna drown,
Love greater than lust gonna shut the tempter down.

[Chorus]

I love that this particular engine barfed out a promotional image to go along with the song. Smart branding.

---

“C.S. Lewis and J.R.R. Tolkien as Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles”

Sometimes AI gets it wrong and right at the same time, and it is beautiful.

---

“A 90s-style sitcom starring Dolly Parton as a sassy Baptist pastor’s wife who moonlights as a bounty hunter”

Feels like Dan Aykroyd would have been involved in this. Jackée Harry, too. And maybe Reba has a 5-episode arc as a rival bounty hunter and former love interest of Pastor Aykroyd, which culminates in Dolly performing a modified version of “Jolene” at the First Baptist Missions Talent Show.

---

“A Christian funk song about how Democrats don’t have nipples, also there is an accordion solo”