I must insist that Christians be more like me

Probably the most important issue in Christianity right now is all the different scandals, which involve various people, who are doing bad sins or whatever. Many things are happening.

As a general rule, I am against scandals in the church. When you look at the liturgy of scandals, also at the Greek and the theology, it just doesn’t seem biblical to sin.

As it says in the verse of the Bible, “you are not your own; therefore (other things, etc).” Visa Visa, we have too many Christians who need to act less like themselves and more like someone else. Who, exactly? Well, how about a very special man who is the essence of Christianity itself?

I’m speaking, of course, about myself. I can’t help but think that if more Christians acted like me, we wouldn’t be having any problems in the church.

I don’t have any problems with myself

As long as I can remember, I have never found fault with myself for anything. What sets me apart from common Christians is that whenever I do something wrong, it’s not actually my sin; it’s because of someone else.

Farthermore, I have always been a fan of myself. It’s like I’m always telling people: humility is just another word for deceit, which is almost like a lie, which is against the parts of the Bible that talk about that sort of thing. If God has given you a thriving, vibrant evangelical brand, it is your duty to remind people of this.

I realize that it is dangerous to tell people to copy me. As Christians, we have to be careful who we immolate. But if people acted like me, that would mean that they would have an extremely high opinion of me, and this seems like a good thing.

I rarely abuse people

One thing people are always saying about me is “it’s been a while since Matthew hurt someone.” Another thing people are saying about me is “I do not find him funny in any way,” but it’s mostly the first thing.

I am not a member

Probably the real problem with church scandals is that people are members of churches. It’s like whenever Christians want to do a bad sex or something they say “mmm, your privates are looking tasty, but I have to become a member of this church, first.” Then it becomes a whole deal. Christians should be more like me and never join a church, no matter how long they have been attending. Everyone knows that if you are not an official member, they can’t really do anything to you; this is the liturgy of loopholes.

This way, the church is always protected because they can say you’re just some guy. A visitor. And whenever you do some minor sin like forcing all the non-famous people in your church to babysit your kids and clean your house, and you get caught, you can just say “sorry, not a member.” And then they’ll be like “but you are the pastor; your face is on the billboards.” Anyway then you could probably say some other stuff and then do a rebrand or whatever. This is also the liturgy of something.

*Weekly-ish articles are free; periodic special articles are behind the paywall. Substack won’t let me set the monthly subscription lower than $5, so I made the yearly subscription $30, which is $2.50 a month, which seems about right. Thanks for reading :)