Is Christmas a Sin?

In the spirit of the upcoming holiday season, in somber and grateful reflection of our Savior coming to earth, allow me to be the first to inform you that you are doing Christmas entirely wrong.

Yes, it is only whatever month you are reading this in. But if I wait until December to write about Christmas, I will have to compete with all of the other thought leaders who will also be writing holiday think pieces. And if something is not easy for me, then I know it is not God’s will. It’s like my youth pastor always said: save hard for the wedding night, anyway he sells Nissans now.

Let's go to the Greek: A long time ago, probably like three hundred years or more, Caesar told all the Jewish people to go back to their hometowns, so that he could kill all the boys. This is why Joseph and Mary left Egypt. While they were traveling on the road, an angel came and told them some stuff, but Mary laughed or something and then the angel said she couldn’t speak until baby Jesus was born, as punishment, and then Joseph asked her “Mary, did you know?” because he knew she couldn’t talk and this was a dad joke, anyway they made this into a song later.

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These days, Christians celebrate Christmas however they want to, which is extremely problematic, because nothing is more dangerous for a thought leader than Christians thinking for themselves. Look, if God wanted everyone to understand theology on their own, He wouldn’t have made influencers.

So, make no mistake: however you celebrate Christmas is probably wrong. Let’s look at the different issues in a list format, which is what you do when you are running behind and don’t have time to figure out transitions from one hot take to another.

• Some Christians observe Advent, which is how Jewish people celebrate Christmas, with the candles, also you have to give something up for 40 days. This is a sin because God would never ask me to give up something that makes me happy, that is legalism, which is a thing that other Christians do.

• Probably the biggest thing that you are getting wrong about Christmas is the spiritual part or whatever, either you are too spiritual or not spiritual enough, who’s to say, both are probably sins. It’s like they say at Hobby Lobby: Jesus is the reasoning for the seasoning, which is biblical because Jesus was always talking in the epistles about salt. That’s called a proof text, because it proves that you are wrong.

• Some Christians choose to tell their children that Santa Claus is a real person who delivers presents, which is usually a lie. Other Christians participate in the Elf on a Shelf tradition, which is technically true because if you go to the Greek, it is based on Zaccheus.

• Whenever you celebrate Christmas is wrong. Some people go to church on Christmas morning, which is a sin because it neglects family time. But if you choose to stay home, this is also a sin, because it means you love presents more than the Lord. Jesus didn’t get gifts on Christmas; you shouldn’t either. Some Christians say that giving gifts teaches character, that it is more blessed to give than receive, but this is not true. My youth pastor said a Proverbs 31 woman won’t be in a hurry to unwrap your package.

*Weekly-ish articles are free; periodic special articles are behind the paywall. Substack won’t let me set the monthly subscription lower than $5, so I made the yearly subscription $30, which is $2.50 a month, which seems about right. Thanks for reading :)