Presidential sword drill

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THE YEAR IS 2024. EVANGELICALS HAVE AGREED TO SUPPORT WHICHEVER PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE CAN WIN AN OLD-FASHIONED SWORD DRILL, HOSTED BY JOE ROGAN

JOE ROGAN: So I’m going to call out a Bible verse, BAM, then you guys open those Bibles and when you find the verse, hit the buzzer and BAM—

PRES. BIDEN: ma lam, whoa-oh Black Betty, bamma lam. I knew Black Betty—she was a friend of mine! Lived down there in Birmingham. The South, man! The Braves, down there, trying to catch the balls but they can’t, ‘cuz Herk Aaron knocked ‘em all outta the prick!

FMR PRES. TRUMP: *leans into mic* I have Bible

JOE ROGAN: *blazes up* Yeah okay let’s just get this started. Revelation 2:4, go!

GOV. DESANTIS: *immediately buzzes in* Joe, here’s the REAL revelation: the birds have gone woke. We have hardworking Christian families in this country being pecked to death in their beds by radical antifa pigeons

VICE PRES. HARRIS: *buzzes in*

GOV. NEWSOM: *appears on stage and steps in front of Harris* If I may cut in front of this woman of color, I need to talk to the cameras about inequality

FMR PRES. TRUMP: *buzzes in* HOLY BIBLE