RESTORATION ISLAND
The year is 2023
When an evangelical celebrity has a scandal, they are whisked away with the promise of a luxe and posh island getaway to be pampered and served while they restore their brand
Only the island part of this is true
No cell service, no adoring fans, no cameras
Only Franklin Graham teaching survival skills, surrounded by wild animals and God’s untamed creation
Welcome
…to Restoration Island
[Franklin Graham leads a group of disgraced Christian celebrities through the jungle and into a clearing, where a bucket of unshucked corn sits next to a fire pit: they must build a fire and cook their own dinner]
RAVI ZACHARIAS: How do we turn the corn into food
MARK DRISCOLL: [throws stacks of dollar bills at the corn]
JOHN CRIST: [pulls out microphone] Here’s the deal with corn. If you like corn, are you addicted to cornography? OH SWEET LORD JAYSUS, PUT HIM ON THE PRAYER CHAIN
FRANKLIN GRAHAM: DADGUM WHO GAVE TIKTOK MARK LOWRY A MICROPHONE
[the nearby brush rustles]
[a figure stumbles out into the clearing]
PAULA WHITE: Hey y’all, Mama heard money
