Some of My Best Friends Go to Churches Where There are Minorities

Hey all. This post originally ran in November 2022. I am pulling it out of the archive and running it, bad jokes intact, because I am buried under car repairs this weekend. If I do not return, arm a search party with 10 and 13mm socket wrenches and send them to the workshop at my father’s house. Otherwise, I will be back soon with something new. —M

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People think that being an evangelical thought leader is easy, that all you have to do is write a think piece about sex and it will go viral, because Christians have a bunch of subconscious Freudian hang-ups and will be chomping at the tit to click on anything that says “sex.” This is all true, of course. But my friends, a thought leader occasionally has to take up his cross and focus on obscure matters of theology, such as totally fixing racial issues in the Church.

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One thing Christians are always talking about is Jesus. If you were to make a list of the top 10 figures in the Bible, Jesus would likely be pretty close to making that list. Probably the best thing about Jesus is that you can use Him in any kind of think piece; He is omnidirectional.

But what did he believe? Whenever we have to vote in this country, several million Christians on Twitter will shriek things like “Jesus was not a white Republican.” This is true. We don’t know how Jesus voted; He could have been a white Democrat. The point is this: He loved all candidates, this is called unconditional election, look it up in the Greek.

But why do churches disagree on politics? If I can skim the headlines correctly, it seems that white churches support one political party, while Black churches support whatever the other party is.

In the interest of full foreclosure, I don’t personally know any minorities, per see. I try to avoid people who are different than me in any way, such as people who are old or who don’t have a brand, or people who look different than me. This is my self care. My brand requires my full attention, and I can’t be weighed down with a milled stone of people who might challenge my beliefs. That is what Jesus called being unequally yoked, and I always do what Jesus said, except when I don’t.

Does this make me less of an expert in church diversity? What folly! We don’t require pastors to study Scripture before preaching sermons, do we? On the contrary: not knowing anything about diversity makes me more qualified to fix the Church, because I am unbiased. I am a blank slate. Tabula Rasa, which is a Greek thing that is in the Bible somewhere.

My brothers and sisters, let me be clear: everyone who is not me must immediately step out of their comfort zone. I definitely think that Christians should, like, mix it up or whatever. Go to a church where people look and believe differently than you. Unless it is my church. I don’t want any new Christians showing up on Sundays and sitting in my designated pew.

This may seem harsh, but when you are an evangelical thought leader, you must be direct. I drop searing hot takes on the masses, and if I am the least bit vague, people will be confused. Probably the worst thing you can do as a thought leader is to be evasive or give people the reacharound.

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