What Can Sydney Sweeney's Breasts Teach us About Tim Keller's Legacy?

Folks, they are letting the celebrities have breasts now.

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It seems that many people are upset because Sydney Sweeney wore a revealing dress on the red carpet. Unfortunately, I do not know what the dress looked like, because my devices have been confiscated by the restoration committee after I was caught diverting ministry funds to pay off one of my mistresses. At present, I am dictating this think piece to my team as we sit in the play area of a Brentwood, TN Chick fil-A.

I instructed my team to ask AI what Sweeney’s dress looked like, and this is what AI gave us:

My friends, if even one of these depictions is accurate, the Church is in a crisis.

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And yet, we must remain steadfast.

As believers, we have a clear mandate. No matter where the currents of culture drift, we must always go back to one singular mission statement:

What does this have to do with Tim Keller’s legacy?

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In many ways, Tim Keller is the Sydney Sweeney of evangelicalism. The only child of Helen Keller, he founded Bethlehem Baptist Church in Minnesota, which he left to become the president of Southern Baptist Theological Seminary. His book Systemic Theology has been read by many people, who have opinions on it.

At a certain point, Keller was no longer alive, due to his death. Since this happened, he has kept a low profile.

So, we are left to ask each other: what would Tim have us do?

We are living in a fallen world, a world where celebrities insist on showing us their nipples.

Should we take the Russell Moore approach, then? Run, shrieking, from any unsaved person we encounter? Covering our eyes, crashing into walls and furniture as we try to flee, crying, begging for mercy as we roll around on the ground and Daniel Silliman helps us up and tells us to pull ourself together, but we keep screaming that the lust haints are after us, and calling out for Wayne Watson to save us. Should we do this?

By no means! My friends, Tim Keller’s legacy has never been more clear: we must engage the culture, meeting sinners where they are.

Christians have nipples, too

Probably the number one reason that celebrities show us their areolas is because they think that Christians don’t have any. Purity culture strikes again! We Christians spend our lives laboring under dress codes and modesty expectations, keeping our skin safely out of view. How, then, are celebrities supposed to know that we have nipples, if we always keep them covered?

Outreach is key

One thing I am always getting in trouble for is telling other Christians to do evangelism topless. But it’s like I say to the restoration committee: what if this was a remote jungle tribe where no one wore shirts, and I needed to meet them on their level? And then the restoration committee is like “but it’s not a jungle tribe,” and then I’m like sorry, but I don’t see color, and then the committee gets real angry at me because I just exposed their bias, anyway I am not allowed on the Galleria property (including any of the parking lots) because of when I would walk around without a shirt on and try to talk to women outside of Sephora about spiritual gifts, and I can’t say much more about that because the assistant manager just told us we have to leave the play area; the moms are complaining.

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