13 Comments
User's avatar
Rachel's avatar

King Solomon was unequally poked and that’s why he wrote song o’ Solomon about gazelles that are actually breasts. I know u left this part out bc you were homeschooled

matthew pierce's avatar

correct. any time a lady christian has breasts around me it is because they are trying to seduce me

Liz Snell's avatar

Did you know when a B&B owner is widowed, the government protects him for one year from all women moving from the Big City to his Hometown? After one year the government runs The Batchelor: Hunger Games Edition to pare down the waitlist of ladies. Top two go to the Hometown to have a bake-off that will save the B&B from corporate greed and win the owner’s heart.

Susan's avatar

What happens though when you go into the men's restroom at church to find single guys and encounter that awkward side hug moment?!! How's a gal to get out of that? Hope you feel much better soon =) Re the Christian guy behind the big tree - if they're hiding and reformed, talk less about Narnia and more about Wendell Berry, Andrew Peterson, or Chris Nolan movies (preferably World War Two ones!) ;) In the UK, in recent times, remove Newsboys references (as far away as you can) and add Matt Redman or Tim Hughes (or both). So, Matt Redman is Melchizedek, actually - but only in the UK. ;)

matthew pierce's avatar

this is martin smith erasure

Susan's avatar

;) Only because he's delirious?

Alan's avatar

"Unequally Poked" was the sequel to Tim LaHaye's "Act Of Marriage".

Jaimie's avatar

So much good stuff devilishly aggregated here. Church restrooms, over there, behind that tree! No, that one!, implausible dimples... the list goes on (ba da bum da bum ba)

Corin's avatar

“So if you see a big ol’ wiener, it won’t make you stumble, you will only stumble if someone tells you a story about a relationship with a big ol’ wiener”

Thank you for telling The Biblical Truth About Women, that’s why I stay subscribed!! All the other Substack authors I follow are under obvious Spiritual Attack and try to write about things that aren’t this. Some of them are even writing about Secular things which I should guard my heart against and repent and speak in tongues about, just in case.

The JSP's avatar

Unequally poked 😭💀

The Evergreen Woman's avatar

You think young Christian women have a hard time, what about us more seasoned, Evergreen women? Since a man with any Christian character at all, born somewhere around the McCarthy / JFK era, but definitely before the Newsboys (although his kids might have attended one of their concerts) can easily get a woman 10-15 years younger, I always ask new (Christian) friends, "Do you have an uncle, or maybe a dad or even a granddad I should know?" It does not get easier sisters.

Scipio1776's avatar

Learn to golf. Men love women who love golf.

User's avatar
Comment deleted
Sep 2, 2025
Comment deleted
Scipio1776's avatar

I could write a whole essay about why single people, particularly women should play golf.