Youth Pastors, By Decade

1980s

It is 1986. Your church does not know what a youth pastor is, and even if they did, there is no room in the budget to pay one. But this is what your church has: a guy named Wayne, and he owns most of the White Heart cassettes. Every Wednesday night, the church sequesters all the teenagers with Wayne in the choir room. They listen to White Heart and read a devotion. Sometimes Wayne cribs the latest Mike Warnke bit about satanism. Cringe? Maybe, but Wayne is actually pretty chill. He may look like your father, who is 58, but Wayne is only 24 years old.

1990s

In the late nineties, there was an accident at the Coke factory: someone dropped a Smashmouth CD and a Teen Study Bible into a vat of Surge, and the resulting explosion created Pastor Todd. Todd is somehow the ages of 34, 15, and 52, all at once. He has a Smoking Hot Wife named Tracie, and you know more about their sex life than you want or need to. Suffice to say, it’s radical. But then again, everything is radical, up to and including the 6 different WWJD bracelets that are on Todd’s person at any given time. It is unclear how much theology Todd knows, unless you count paintball, pizza, and Jim Carrey impressions as theology, which you should.

2000s

This is the decade that youth pastors grew up and got younger at the same time. Meet Bradley or Caleb or Travis or Ben, it doesn’t matter, they all look the same, they are 23 and enrolling in seminary straight out of Christian college. Just beneath the Chacos and salmon polos, there is a simmering resentment, because Caleb/Ben feels that youth ministry is beneath him. He has set a timeline to have his own church by 25, and he feels that his Brand is behind schedule. Another year of summer camps and youth conferences and he might pivot to selling insurance with Tad and Connor from college.

2010s

His name is Aaron, and he just wants to explore spaces, bro. He is 30% beard, 40% coffee, and 30% post-Driscoll reformed theology with all the jagged edges sanded down until it feels vaguely seeker-sensitive. He will be single until he is 28, then marry a 21 year old and they will have three children in the span of three years. He will start a podcast about theology and craft beer and abandon it after 11 episodes.

2020s

You are attempting to drop your kids off at the first of six different security checkpoints in the Student Ministry Building, and a child meets you at the curbside kiosk. She says her name is Emma Kadie Brooklyn Grace, and she is Associate Director of Spiritual Development at your church. She cannot be older than 12. You are not allowed to go into the youth building. Horrible Christian-flavored mumble rap is bleeding through the walls and into the parking lot. There are QR codes and a youth ministry app, and everyone has a lanyard. Everything is shiny and sterile. You got old, and all of this sucks.

2030s

When the pandemics came back, churches adapted. Youth groups went virtual, and then youth pastors went virtual. AI-powered Lifeway apps pushed notifications to your teenager’s phone, sharing Bible verses and encouragement. Unsure of a movie choice during the lockdowns of 2035 and 2038? Your virtual mentor has already seen the movie, and fed every frame of skin, every act of violence, and every curse word into its algorithm, and will tell you if the movie represents a stumbling block. AI Pastor can watch every nude scene and never stumble. Try that, Pastor Caleb.

2040s

The pandemics have ended, and Christians are just happy to be meeting together again. As you walk your grandchildren through the church, you pass by the choir room. Your church has reformed the youth group, and they are meeting in there with a man named Wayne. Wayne is playing vintage Christian music for the kids while they wait for the stragglers to wander in.

Is that…Big House? By Audio Adrenaline?

You feel alive again. You feel hope.

Your grandkids are tugging at your hand. Come on, grandpa, we’re going to be late.

There is nothing new under the sun. Time is a flat circle, and Wayne is still only 24 years old.

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