222 Comments
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Gabe Christensen's avatar

I have not laughed so hard at anything on the internet for a very long time. This did my soul so much good today!

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Lauren Pinkston's avatar

This is writing genius.

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Vero's avatar

I got in trouble once for having shoulders in church, so now sometimes when its warm outside I wear my calves and ankles to church as well as my shoulders. Now at my chruch, whenever I walk in, all of the men's faces melt off like that nazi's face at the end of Indiana Jones and the Lost Ark.

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Bildad the Short's avatar

Do you also show your Jeze-belly???

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Very un-Randy's avatar

Tell me that's not a term anyone used without irony.

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Vero's avatar

I was born with just a regular belly, so I don't have a Jeze-belly, to show.

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Cody's avatar

I can't wait for the people that don't understand satire to take this seriously

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Annie's avatar

As someone who was bludgeoned by and internalized the stumbling block message from a very tender age, I love this.

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Billie Badaz's avatar

As a woman with breasts and a butt, I hate to tell ya. I also have a VA Jay Jay. Distressing I know. Slippery slope be damned, I didn't even ask for it, my lady parts were granted by, I believe, the Creator, no?

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Johann Mariano's avatar

This is the kind of humor that one can appreciate only if they've actually read their bibles! I love it!

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Ben Kinney's avatar

OMG i started off thinking that this was a real Conservatives think piece. I am so glad I was correct. I have ben trying to get my church to pay for Bre#$t reductions and rear end reductions for years Thankyou for this, I will take this to my mens group tonight.

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Brooke Anderson's avatar

On a hike in college I was so afraid of my baptist boyfriend seeing my ass that when I had to go to the bathroom I just shit my own pants instead of asking to go in the bushes nearby. I hope he's still a virgin because if he's not then my sacrifice was in vain.

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matthew pierce's avatar

brooke

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Lawrence Taylor's avatar

And Adam ate of the fruit that the woman had given Him and his eyes were open and he saweth da butt. And behold, da butt was fine. And the serpent sayeth to Adam, “Damn man you better put a ring on that before I do.”

And the evening and the morning were Friday night and Saturday.

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Isaac Angel Meza's avatar

Please replace the Babylon Bee 😂

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Glori Writes's avatar

Heh I see you also have found this guy.

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Isaac Angel Meza's avatar

Haha you know it! 😎

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Casey's avatar

This is one of the funniest things I think I have EVER read in my entire life.

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Sylvia's avatar

12 epistles! Lol. Balaam rode an ass so hard.. Go to the Greek!

Thank you so much for sharing your brilliant mind with us!! 😊

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Joelle Lewis's avatar

I'm clearly a few months late to this post, which is sad. I think I will print this out and paste it in Timothy 🤣🤣

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Lexi Green's avatar

Your work is truly healing for me…the mental gymnastics that evangelical culture pushes is exhausting ❤️‍🩹 finding a way to laugh of the absurdity of what they’re admitting about me is soooo therapeutic

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matthew pierce's avatar

the jokes are only going to get worse

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Oral Robertz's avatar

I looked at a peach this morning, visually, and wanted to have a sex so bad!

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The Josh's avatar

The peach was on veggie tales. Your Childrens programming may never be the same.

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Jenn's avatar

Username checks out.

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