The Guy From "The Chosen" Might Not Actually Be Jesus

Folks, Christians are talking about things. The Discourse has turned to media, which is a part of culture, which must be engaged, otherwise the paradigm will never be shifted, radically or otherwise.

When I heard that they were making The Chosen, a documentary about Jesus doing miracles, I was initially in favor of it. That kind of publicity is very good for your brand, as long as you have creative control, which is very important. Mars Hill did not have creative control over The Rise and Fall of Mars Hill, and all the negative publicity caused their church to shut down. If it had been me, I would have made them call the podcast The Uninterrupted Rise of Mars Hill, and then nothing bad would have happened, but that’s why I am an evangelical thought leader: I think of these things.

Anyway, it has come to the attention of my team, who in turn gave me a cleft notes version of it, that The Chosen might not be a true documentary after all. My friends, there are serious allegations that the filmmakers are using an actor to play Jesus, instead of filming the actual Jesus.

Let’s look at selected facts that fit my narrative:

Who is “Jonathan Roumie?”

It seems that the filmmakers are using someone with the name Jonathan, which, if you go to the Greek, might be another name for Jesus, because they both start with “J,” maybe, there’s really no way to know.

“Jonathan” doesn’t look like Jesus

The person in The Chosen speaks English, so he sounds like Jesus. But look at his appearance: yep, he’s definitely light brown, all right. And we know that the real Jesus was white, and looked like this:

The real Jesus did miracles

When you look at the Torah (Gospels), you see that Jesus performed many miracles, such as healing, turning water into wine, and raising people from the dead. This casts serious doubt on whether Jonathan Roumie is the actual Messiah, because he only raises people from the dead, and not the other things.

They are not the same denomination

Jonathan Roumie is Catholic, on purpose, and this raises some troubling questions, because Jesus is Baptist. Not that kind of Baptist, but the good kind.

But wait, some will say. Jesus did the whole wine thing, so He can’t be Baptist, because Baptists don’t drink alcohol!

This is a common missed conception. Baptists drink alcohol all the time—all of them do. They are drinking it right now. If you are Baptist, look down at your hand; you are holding a Smirnoff Ice Pink Lemonade, you thought it was a Capri Sun Pacific Cooler. Baptists only tell people it is bad to drink. This is the difference. This way, everyone drinks anyway, and feels deeply shameful about it, which is good, because it keeps Baptists from doing big sins, like murders and gossip. Many times a Methodist will go to a Baptist and say “Rhonda, do you want to do a murder tonight?” and Rhonda will be like “I’m already feeling pretty guilty from drinking alcohol; I better pass. Sounds fun, though.”

Jonathan Roumie is not my best friend

At best, Jonathan is like my 6th or 7th best friend. When it comes to Jesus, however, the theology is clear:

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