21 Comments
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Rob's avatar

As one of the guys who conducts new member interviews at our church, "you're 41" is a level of true so bright and shining it can be seen from space.

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Jaimie's avatar

Uproariously funny. I would stab someone with a stick and/or rock to hear this speech given to an unsuspecting graduating class.

Using AI?! Are we not going to have sticks and rocks anymore in this tortured, apocalyptic theoretical future? Worse than I could've imagined!

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KP's avatar

Pretty sure I heard this in a homily once…

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David Drury's avatar

Never thought I would hear the name Starflyer 59 mentioned again in my lifetime—yet here we are.

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matthew pierce's avatar

sounds like u need a housewife love song

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David Drury's avatar

IYKYK

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Reed Choate's avatar

One thing I’ve learned on my graduation trip is that the world tries to convince you it isn’t hellish. But then I go back home and am instantly reminded how much life sucks.

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Bethany Fee's avatar

Bro stop. You have me and my brand to get you through and you know it.

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Reed Choate's avatar

You keep reminding me

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Tsh Oxenreider's avatar

I’m the speaker at a graduation ceremony this weekend — I may just read them your article instead, Matthew.

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matthew pierce's avatar

do it and tell them it was written by alan noble

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Tsh Oxenreider's avatar

Excellent idea

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Jaimie's avatar

TLDR: "But there is bad news, too. Some of us won’t die right away. We will linger in the hellscape, twisting and withering like blades of grass shrinking from an approaching fire. We are the cursed ones, condemned to wander the charred earth paying bills and slowly turning into our parents. This is what adulthood is."

That's all ya need to know, folks, have a great day!

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sanctum officium's avatar

The Brand line…. ROFLOL

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Adrian P Conway's avatar

The lost appendix to the Book of Wisdom

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Frank Ewert's avatar

I hope a Joy Electric reference is next.

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matthew pierce's avatar

too powerful. the people aren't ready

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Frank Ewert's avatar

Heavy metal shirts aren't funny, after all.

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Jonathan Hart's avatar

Amen

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Jaimie's avatar

I haven't even read the article, but THAT TITLE PHOTO THOUGH

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Bethany Fee's avatar

I am graduating this week and really needed to hear this. Man, I really need to obtain one of these brand thingies.

(Ringbyspring?)

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