Probably the most dangerous thing for a Christian man is to be single, because horny. Once you get married, you never have to worry about being horny again, because your wife is naked all the time and you get to have sex 20-25 times per day, I know this is true because at youth group Jacob and Asher’s brother Caleb was there and that’s what he said, and he knows a lot because he is 18. Also, because he’s 18, it’s not a sin when he smokes in the parking lot, he said that, too.
"My mom tore that page out of my anatomy text book when I was homeschooled" Yep! I can so relate to someone who used to be "that girl". This is brilliant.
I've noticed a trend: Your Substack is where Christian clichés are identified, exposed, ridiculed, and (hopefully) die all in one essay.
Brilliant. You go, King!
"You have a window here: they are at Hobby Lobby for now, but soon they will get really into deconstruction podcasts, then they will be angry for five years and get a tattoo, then they will have kids and occasionally vote for a Republican candidate who reminds them of their father, even though they would never admit this." — this...this could not be more spot on. My God.
Where do you go when you are a Reformed Baptist??
You forgot to mention all the women reading Brave at Heart in the Christian book store.
Any Christian women here who want to be corrupted and deconverted and wedded? ;)