Will a Proverbs 31 Wife Care if My Theology isn't Very Big?

My friends, Men Are in Crisis. I do not know what this means, but many thought leaders are saying it. This is like in 2015, when millennials were Leaving the Church in Droves. I do not know what droves are or where they went, but the millennials didn’t go anywhere; they just turned into their parents. They wander around and then come back to church when they get scared, just like their parents did.

Anyway, probably the reason that men are in crisis is because they are worried about their theology.

More than ever, theology is ubiquitous, which is a word that means “pay attention to me, I went to college.” With a tap on your phone, anyone can instantly see men’s theologies. There are videos, too, where you can watch a man take out his theology and also there is a lady and she is like “your theology is so BIG!” and then he ministers to her, with his theology.

And if men can see these things, women can, too. Which introduces a particular anxiety to Christian men: what if a Proverbs 31 woman thinks all theologies are huge? What if this is what she wants? What if mine isn’t good enough?

Brothers, let’s talk about this.

Having more theology isn’t always better

Do Proverbs 31 women like to joke about finding a man who has been to seminary and has massive theology? Sure. Culture usually tells us that bigger is better. We can be honest: the idea of big theology will always have a certain appeal.

But is this practical?

Married Christians can speak to this: if a man has large theology, it does not automatically translate to happiness in the bedroom. Men, you might know volumes of church history. You might be an expert in the Greek. You may be packing the kind of esoteric Ezekiel knowledge that can make other men look tiny. But you can’t use all of it. And if you try to cram all of it in, a Proverbs 31 wife might not appreciate it.

It’s not how much theology you have, it’s how you use it

Do you want to satisfy your wife? Learn how to use the theology that you have.

After all, some women prefer a theology with breadth. A theology that is rich and wide, with a strong foundation, instead of one that just goes on and on but does not have the same firmness. Of course, if a Proverbs 31 woman saves herself for marriage, she won’t know the difference between the different kinds and what they feel like. But sometimes Christian women go through a phase in college and grab some questionable theologies, and we aren’t going to judge, not when you made out with that girl in her Jeep Grand Cherokee in the parking lot after the Hawk Nelson concert and you put your hand on her sweater blessing. What was her name? She always wore Pearberry. Anyway, that was a long time ago, and we already confessed all that. I forgot where I was going with any of this, which is also a lot like college.

Some theology goes to the left or the right

As much as we think that our Christianity is true and correct, we must admit that we are fallen beings. We are imperfect, flawed, and afflicted with sin. Despite our best efforts, the currents of this world push our understanding to and fro. Politics affect our Christian walk: for some of us, our theology leans to one side.

Back in youth group, this was a source of panic. Bad advice was plentiful: some of the older boys said that if your theology was pointing to the right, then you needed to pull your theology to the left, in your private study time. Use your other hand, they said, which was definitely a metaphor.

My brothers, a godly wife does not expect your theology to be perfect, and here is why: Christian women are like us. They secretly worry that their lady theology is weird. It’s a wasted worry, though, because most Christian men don’t understand lady theology until after they’ve been married for a little while. This is a good thing. You don’t want to be a Christian husband who has seen a bunch of lady theology. You never got that far in the Jeep Grand Cherokee, but it seemed like it smelled like Pearberry.

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