29 Comments
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Clint Wrede's avatar

I am all about that Wes Anderson acquisition.

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Jaimie's avatar

Same! ETL, I think your KJV trade (not to mention the denim skirts) is well-placed on this bet

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Stephen Smith's avatar

Need this to be an ongoing series

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Boring Rocks for Nerds's avatar

I always thought Wes Anderson was some grizzled old Guillermo del Toro-looking type, I sure was not correct about that one. Thank you for helping me learn a celebrity fact today

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Rick Roes's avatar

So creative, never know where you’re going to go the next time!

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matthew pierce's avatar

me neither rick

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Stefanie Barrett's avatar

Sanka!!

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Tsh Oxenreider's avatar

I need to know more about this forthcoming Wes Anderson collaboration with Orlando. Could we get a follow-up on title, plot, fellow cast members, etc? Thank you.

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matthew pierce's avatar

Well, going by the above description, I'd say it will be a period film about the debauchery in the early church at Corinth, and the efforts of the Apostle Paul (Orlando Bloom), a repressed, straight-laced, Inspector Javert-meets Inspector Clouseau character, to rein them in.

We're going to bend space and time in the biblical account to work in additional Bible characters. As the situation in Corinth deteriorates, Paul sends Silas (John C. Reilly) and Timothy (Timothee Chalamet), and then Barnabas (Owen Wilson: "please, call me Barney"), each of whom attempt to exhort the church members, with varying success.

The Wes Anderson regulars will play the various eccentric members of the Corinthian church. Ralph Fiennes and Richard Ayaode will play finger-wagging Roman officials who are threatening to shut the church down. A French actress will play a free-spirited Corinthian church member who appears nude at random intervals, causing great distress to Paul and his acolytes, who attempt to teach her about biblical modesty. This will be cut from the Pure Flix release, and added back by Anderson in the director's cut.

Anjelica Huston will play Paul's tsk-ing and side-eyeing Pharisee mother, who orbits in and out of the film to give Paul an additional foil. Paul's arc leads him to finally journey to Corinth himself, where he finds the city drunk with revelry in the middle of a weeklong pagan holiday, under siege from a band of zany, death-obsessed cultists and their leader (Willem Dafoe), and his fellow apostles barely holding the fledgling church together.

THE CORINTHIAN PROBLEM, a Pure Flix and Indian Paintbrush joint production. Due summer 2028

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Susan's avatar

I kinda want to join the besieging cult, now that Willem Dafoe's their leader...and they're zany! (Apart from the death part =)

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Tsh Oxenreider's avatar

I’ll allow it.

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Tsh Oxenreider's avatar

…I really hope it will also somehow involve Bill Murray cast as the former-youth-pastor-turned-new-youth-pastor’s-mentor played by Michael Cera.

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Jack Woodbury's avatar

Congrats on your new position Mr. Pierce! We’ve heard rumblings that the church fanbase is split on former pastor Tim Ross. Do you think you’ll try and trade him for a b-list celebrity conversion? Or try and hold onto him and see if he can generate some more viral moments with his podcast?

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matthew pierce's avatar

several deals on the table, can’t say much about this at the moment…

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Sid Davis's avatar

Bahahahahaha!

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Hannah Harrold's avatar

Fine time we got rid of the KJV and denim skirts 🤷‍♀️ adequate offering.

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Jaimie's avatar

Congrats on the new position! May I submit the following for consideration in future trades: "Fireproof" (where the package includes - bonus! - Kirk Cameron), the Chicken Soup for the Soul franchise, and the complete collection of every Thomas Kincaid print or painting from every church in the country

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Jaimie's avatar

And in a high-value standoff keep Ted Dekker in your back pocket

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Katharine Strange's avatar

Solid trades, but I regret to inform you that Katy Perry and Orlando bloom have split, so I think we'll probably have to choose sides

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Kamut Maksen's avatar

Hate to disagree with your brand (except to benefit mine,) but I feel like we haven't heard from Katy's boobs in a while. Someone should see if they're OK.

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Sarah McCann's avatar

The Wes Anderson read 😭

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Shannan Martin's avatar

This is as disorienting as I remember. Bravo.

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matthew pierce's avatar

shannan there are inappropriate jokes here, u should know better

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Anna Lee Dozier's avatar

100% on Russ Jr. Could we also trade Carman (he's technically everlasting alive, right?) for something/body good?

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matthew pierce's avatar

could never get appropriate trade value for carman. basically impossible

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Jaimie's avatar

🤣

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Reed Choate's avatar

I agree. But we can’t give up Casting Crowns…. Could I suggest Jeremy Camp?

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matthew pierce's avatar

best i can do is shane & shane

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Reed Choate's avatar

Deal

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