Probably the most dangerous thing for Christians is nipples. Back in the Old Testament, when the Israelites were bringing Noah’s Ark into Jerusalem, King David was like you know what this party needs? MY CANS. So he went Magic Mike and ripped off his clothes and did a dance, probably that one where you make your pecs bounce up and down like this, boom boom boom, both at once, then one at a time, boom boom boom. Also, he gave everyone raisin cakes. But then his wife was hella mad because everyone was looking at David’s nipples or whatever, also she had a boy’s name: Michal. Also maybe she was mad that David gave away like two million raisin cakes, because back then there weren’t many things that could make you happy before you died an agonizing death in battle or in childbirth, and eating a raisin cake was probably one of the things. Also she was not allowed to have babies, so she started her own craft store, but all the Baptist ladies would never go in there because it wasn’t as Christian as Hobby Lobby.
"...then some more weird stuff happened and Herod cut off John the Baptist’s head and gave it to the girl, which was a sin because my youth pastor says you have to be married before you can get head."
If this is wrong (and the answer is this is hella wrong), I don’t want to be right.
LOL. Best thing I've read today. "I will turn to them mountains from whence my help comes" - Changa 5:16
"...then some more weird stuff happened and Herod cut off John the Baptist’s head and gave it to the girl, which was a sin because my youth pastor says you have to be married before you can get head."
... I'm dying 😂😂😂