16 Comments
User's avatar
David Drury's avatar

Deft Alan Noble placement! Ha!

Expand full comment
Rachel Harden's avatar

This is a scandal that makes u think

Expand full comment
Bethany Fee's avatar

I can’t believe you didn’t talk about Megan Beth Stuckey 🙄

Expand full comment
Olúwanífẹ́mi Mátànmí's avatar

Come to think of it, we need to find a way to get to the root of this.

Should we launch a covert operation, we'll probably start with checking the books and trying to trace any funds that went to mysterious places.

Then we can involve the FBI to do some tailing here and some staking out there.

What do you think?

Expand full comment
Olúwanífẹ́mi Mátànmí's avatar

A merry go round with words.

Let's do this.

Expand full comment
Holly Vanessa Vanderbush's avatar

As usual, I can’t argue with any of your points!! It’s not just because I don’t understand them, it’s also because I think they sound cool, which makes them accurate.

If you ran for an elected office, I would vote for you. We could wear shirts that say Vote for Matthew. I’ll start working on the dance for your skit now.

Btw - I especially loved your rhetorical question answer.

That is the best un said thing I’ve ever not read anyone not say.

Well done sir.

Expand full comment
matthew pierce's avatar

it occurs to me (after the fact) that there are two ways to read the rhetorical question joke

plz put me down for whatever the more offensive interpretation is

Expand full comment
Holly Vanessa Vanderbush's avatar

I prefer the interpretation that’s insulting to the other team 😂 so yeah … I’ll have what you’re having

Expand full comment
matthew pierce's avatar

if i insult all the teams i never have to waste time figuring out who is right. thought leader power move imo

Expand full comment
Jaimie's avatar

I remember the mujahideen; weren't they almost the NFL champions right around Y2K? Which also buggers the question: is that why all the Kids are wearing "Y2K vibes" now? 🧐 AND speaking of the NFL, am I correctly redacting that Jesus love Kansas mostest right now? That was a rhetoracle question btdubs

Expand full comment
matthew pierce's avatar

too much truth here jaimie

Expand full comment
Jaimie's avatar

Now I have to deduce that redacting question... Jesus loves that other state more

Expand full comment
Philip Cox's avatar

damned Paul Molitor! why you hoggin' all them hits?

Expand full comment
Susan's avatar

I feel you need a disclaimer for the exploding heads viz apart from in the Mel Gibson state ordained Jesus the movie sequel, where they very well might. (For much of the movie, when disciples aren't preaching or dying or both). I also have to wonder - for American blessing Baptist Jesus was also in England, building Jerusalem in the green and pleasant land...And so if he is a little distracted, no wonder English/British men's football teams are struggling - Jesus is busy blessing the American football teams and only has enough blessing left for women's football!! And yet the sadness of the truth in your writing, no-one in political power or authority knew Him.

Expand full comment
Karen S. Roberts's avatar

I think this is meant to be a satire, especially since Billy Graham has been dead for a long time and probably never published Christianity Today. The part about the American teams is rather funny.

Expand full comment
Jaimie's avatar

Correct 🥰

Expand full comment