26 Comments
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Ghost's avatar

What about BBL? I mean who doesn't want Big Blessings of the Lord?

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Brian B's avatar

The Bible uses the word "cleave", it says that women should "cleave" to their husbands. This is the same root of the word "cleavage". Therefore, Scipture is clear on this point - increasing cleavage is obviously Biblical.

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Brian B's avatar

Presbyterian here. I have just reported you to the Big Guy upstairs for heresy. Prepare to be un-chosen.

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Bethany Fee's avatar

I have never seen such exegetical apologetic theology liturgy criticisms done.

He didn’t even have to go to the Greek!!

But don’t you even worry, I did. And I’m pretty sure Paul the Baptist said “he who finds the bosoms finds some good things.” I never even knew this, but it’s so obvious.

Thanks be to our Beloved Evangelical Thought Leader (May He live forever) for enlightening us!! 🙇🏼‍♀️🙇🏼‍♀️🙇🏼‍♀️

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matthew pierce's avatar

u are growing stronger bethany

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Jaimie's avatar

😂😂😂

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Clint Wrede's avatar

As a Presbyterian, I'm disappointed in the lack of your use of the Greek word "bazoombas."

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Stefanie Barrett's avatar

“sorry that you are going to hell, anyway I’ll be at church with my giant knockers“

Kirk Cameron could never😂

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Laura Murphy's avatar

today's phrase that pays: "off-the-rails televangelists who coked themselves into the third heaven," with a fine showing by “sorry that you are going to hell, anyway I’ll be at church with my giant knockers.” PREACH, brother, PREACH.

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Holly Vanessa Vanderbush's avatar

Hey Matthew! It’s the year 2047 and I just read this. We asked AI to invent a Time Machine and I came back to comment on this thread.

It’s so bizarre reading it from this standpoint, because most women have breast implants!! I mean … an actual extra breast.

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matthew pierce's avatar

quality comment

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Jaimie's avatar

For real though

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Jaimie's avatar

Personal favorite line: "This is called apologetics." This article made the way for some howler-level comments... so THIS is biblical commentary? I never knew apologetics and commentaries could be so interesting!

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matthew pierce's avatar

i take my place at the final judgement, next to missionaries, martyrs and evangelists. finally, it is my turn to give an account for my days

me, wokely:

i made jokes about private parts, and then a bunch of other christians did, too. it was a thing

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Jaimie's avatar

WOKELY 👏

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Seth's avatar

finally we can have the kingdom on earth as god intended, with no side hugs

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Rob's avatar

Shout to the Lord indeed: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Pd8Kbv6lEE

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Liz Snell's avatar

"Sitting perfectly still on the couch while feeling existential dread"—so THAT'S what they're doing!

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matthew pierce's avatar

sometimes we are thinking about history, or a game that happened in 1998

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Liz Snell's avatar

History, as in the Roman Empire?

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matthew pierce's avatar

nah more like random wikipedia rabbit holes. like what did the james-younger gang do with all that money? who was the somerton man? what happened in shag harbour in 1967?

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Liz Snell's avatar

I don't think I want to know what happened in shag harbour in 1967...

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Laura Murphy's avatar

I was born in 1967 so I'm really curious and / or horrified.

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Adrian P Conway's avatar

Glad I had a gander

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Lorrie Hart's avatar

Thank you, Matthew, once again for clarifying an issue that has troubled me for a while. "We cannot attract the unsaved by putting craggy, decrepit old men on the stage. We are not Presbyterians."

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Glori Writes's avatar

I'm Presbyterian, haha

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