The Christian's Guide to Porn

My friends, the Church is facing an epidemic. I learned this just now, from social media. And this time, it’s not one of those COVID-type epidemics; it’s one of the porn ones.

What exactly does this entrail? Do any of us even know what porn is? It’s like I’m always telling the restoration committee: sometimes you can sin, dozens of times, without even realizing it.

If you go to the Greek, the word porn is short for the word pornography, which translates to “pictures of porn.” So right off the bat, we have a loophole, because watching someone else sin is technically not a sin. Who’s to say that watching sin doesn’t make you a better Christian, because now you know what to look out for? This is another thing I say to the committee.

Am I saying that Christians shouldn’t watch porn? Of course not. But make no mistake: porn isn’t all about the positives. As believers, we would be remissed if we didn’t talk about the downside of adult entertainment.

Sometimes they say bad words

Christian parents, if you allow your children to freely watch porn on their phones, be advised: they will hear strong language. You would be shocked to hear some of the coarse, vulgar terms that they are saying in adult films these days. Hell, crap, and many of the worst kinds of swears are now commonplace. And do you think that porn films will use family-friendly terms for body parts? Think again! Goodbye, bosoms, and hello to the other b words. And you don’t even want to know what they call the peenie.

There is kissing

My youth pastor says that when you watch tv shows with people making out, it’s like boiling a pot of water on the stove. You can take the pot off the stove, but the water is still going to boil. This is why it’s a sin to watch Smallville, because seeing 32-year-old Tom Welling make out with high school girls makes you horny and then you do other sins, like masturbation or embezzlement, but anyway, lots of porn movies have people kissing, and this is dangerous.

Many times, the characters are not married

To research this article, I watched many porns, such as:

• The Sex Havers

• Cleavage Squad I, III, IV and V

• We’re Naked Again

• Underwear Mayor

• Requiem for a Genital

In the vast majority of these films, the main characters were not even married to each other! It seems that in the world of adult entertainment, cohabitation has become the norm, and biblical relationships are but a distant afterthought.

There isn’t very much good faith-based porn

Are there Christian porn films? Yes, of course, such as¹

• O, For a Thousand Tongues

• The Omega Load

• Amazing Grace, How Sweet & Round

• Dong of Solomon

• Proverbs Dirty-One

• Every Young Man’s Battle

The problem is that the labels just don’t invest in this industry anymore; it seems like all they want is more Chris Tomlin knockoffs that can rake in the church licensing money. Sad.

The women dress immodestly

Finally, we need to talk about the clothing choices in porn. Should we be teaching our sisters in Christ to bare their midriffs, flaunt their cleavage, and wear skin-tight pants? I mean, sure, the hot ones, yes. But what about the grandmothers? Do we want grandmothers dressing this way? Again, yes. But what about the great-grandmothers? My friends, this is where we must draw the line. Accuse me of purity culture if you must, but I do not believe the Church should be encouraging our great-grandmothers to watch porn. Here I stand, unless I find a better place to stand.

*Weekly-ish articles are free; periodic special articles are behind the paywall. If you are a paid subscriber, even for a short while, thank you for making this whole thing work. To everyone, thank you for reading and sharing. Please understand that all offensive content is the fault of Cleavage Squad II.

1. if one of these titles offends you, it is the title that Casey Haas, Jason Kirk, or Justin Ferguson submitted