They are putting nudity in movies now

My friends, the Church is facing an epidemic, which is also a crisis, because it is a tipping point, at a fork in the road, also the tipping point is the point of no return, it is the same point.

Anyway, this isn’t a literal epidemic, like the one with the masks, but a symbolic one. The epidemic is naked butts.

There has never been more sex and nudity in our movies and television. Recently I watched one of the new Star Wars movies, and there were seven lady Jedi¹, except they didn’t use the force, they took off their clothes and did sexes, it was basically the whole movie, there was very little plot. I also watched the new Indiana Jones movie, and he goes into caves looking for idols but then all the lady treasure hunters come in and he takes his pants off to do sexes with them, it didn’t even have Harrison Ford in it, I guess it was a reboot.

In my day, if you were a Christian who wanted to look at bosoms, you had to go to the magazine section at the library and pretend that you were really interested in national geography or photography. Either that or get married, but you were 15 with acne and wearing a Big Dog t-shirt and Zubaz pants, so it was usually the first thing, the magazines.

But nowadays, people are allowed to look at bosoms everywhere. You can tell your phone “Siri, I would like one sin, please,” and it will say “yes sir, one breast, coming right up,” and Elizabeth Elliot weeps, because this is passion without purity, but Elizabeth Elliot’s husband Grendel Arson doesn’t weep, because someone told me he is an abuser, I guess this is why those natives let him live.

What do we do about nudity in media?

As believers, how do we navigate the presence of nudity in entertainment? Are we to simply bury our sand ahead, and watch whatever we want? Or practice the Benedict Option, and pretend to abstain from culture, while watching whatever we want?

Because this is a think piece, the answer is going to be a third thing, even though I made it sound like there are only two choices; this is called a false flag dichotomy.

Try this simple trick

See? I told you.

Whenever my wife and I encounter a movie or television show that has nudity, we follow a simple process to protect our marriage:

• First, we carefully edit out the scene that has nudity or sex

• Then, we simply recreate the scene using each other, and record it on our phones

• Finally, we take our re-shot nude scene and edit it into the original movie

Friends, you would be amazed at how many problems this solves! When my wife is hosting her women’s small group Bible study in our home, she can put on any of the Magic Mike movies. Some of the ladies might get nervous at first, but my wife can just say “don’t worry, that’s not a Hollywood actor stripping; that’s my husband dancing in our kitchen.” Likewise, when I go to guy’s night with my father and uncles, I can bring along episodes of Game of Thrones, and it won’t be weird, because all of the naked ladies will be played by my wife.

But what if you don’t have a spouse?

Ugh, yet again the single Christians are looking for a loophole. But I don’t have a spouse to film replacement nude scenes with!

My team and I planned for this. We are pleased to announce the launch of our new ministry ReNude, you have to say it out loud, because it sounds like RENEWED, anyway the way it works is we send single Christians videos of other single Christians acting out nude scenes from movies and tv shows. This way, you don’t have to look at some pagan celebrity getting naked on screen. And who knows? Perhaps you could meet your future spouse this way. This would also count as a tipping point, probably.

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1. they were much oilier than regular Jedi