31 Comments
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Daniel Whyte IV's avatar

This is probably the most chaotic thing you've ever written 😂

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matthew pierce's avatar

sir i will rise beneath this next week

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Adrian P Conway's avatar

a Pyrex victory 😂. As utterly unbreakable as this article. Pax vobiscum.

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Bethany Fee's avatar

I’m getting really concerned about our beloved Evangelical Thought Leader (may he live forever). He hasn’t been going to the Greek At all lately and it shows. Obviously the pope actually died because JD Vance gave him that water that turns frogs gay and then something else about something which was prophesied about in Revelations, if you go to the Greek of course. Which he did not do.

I hope he prayerfully considers the lack of biblical exegeticals that has been exhibited lately. It is most disconcerting.

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matthew pierce's avatar

u can't go to the greek with catholics because their bible was written in italian

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Bethany Fee's avatar

Okay that makes a lot more sense why all the baptists are burning the Catholic’s steak.

I honestly don’t blame them.

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Eric Anderson's avatar

This was huge for ecumenical relations

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matthew pierce's avatar

not until the wedding night brother

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Sarah's avatar

Nobody expects the Protestant Exposition!

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Lexi Green's avatar

It turns out purgatory is just rereading this article until you forget the difference between real writing and satire. Or you laugh yourself into coma - whatever comes first, kind of like the 10 yrs/100k mile warranty on vehicles. I know this because the priest from Calcata near Viterbo in Italy told me so and he’s in charge of the Holy Prepuce so I figure he would definitely know where purgatory is and how warranty works

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Bryce H.'s avatar

Tim Keller is definitely in the top 10 popes.

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Ryan Self's avatar

The Church of Christ Pope, Max Lucado, is still alive and kickin. Peace be upon him.

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Matthew Lilley's avatar

Really makes you think

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Laura Murphy's avatar

I, um, wait, what?

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Maribeth Barber Albritton's avatar

I died over the national sweetheart in the pink Chanel suit and the pillbox hat 🤣🤣🤣

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Clint Wrede's avatar

If the cardinals are so smart, why do they have to go to college?

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Erin Maley's avatar

I'm not a Catholic pope but I'm definitely dying after reading this.

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Jimmy Brougher's avatar

The Evangelical Thought Sphincter has loosened bit more and I’m here for it

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Holly Vanessa Vanderbush's avatar

☠️ … and loving it.

Does it make me shallow that I’m impressed you knew the suit was Chanel?

Also … now I want a whole ass ‘nother crappy Star Wars movie with Obi-wan flying helicopters intaspace… co starring Katie Perry. The whole Baptist assasin group gonna rent a bus and go to the openin and Golden Corral

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Mark Allen Sommer's avatar

Huh? Is anyone of tgat supposed to make sense?

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Bethany Fee's avatar

You just don’t have enough faith 🤭

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